


happy anniversary to me

by icygrace



Series: Reezy Knows Best [8]
Category: Olympics RPF, Sports RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Humor, M/M, family fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4239606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icygrace/pseuds/icygrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s not ready to be a widower just yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	happy anniversary to me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a super-short stand-alone drabble not strictly compliant with the rest of my kidfic ‘verse. It's been in my fic folder forever, but considering the past week's events, an anniversary-related fic seemed appropriate - even one that's pure crack :)
> 
> Inspired by a scene from Modern Family.

Who knew their kids trying to do something nice for their anniversary could go so horribly wrong?

 

The trick to bringing your parents breakfast in bed, for the record, is making sure to knock first.

 

\---

 

“Mike, this is only a big deal if we make it a big deal.”

 

Later he thinks to himself how stupid he was to think the only thing they’d have to worry about was smoothing over the fact that their kids _walked in on them having sex_. As if things are ever that simple in their house.

 

Silly, silly Ryan.

 

\---

 

“Oh God, that was horrible,” Oliver whines. “I need brain bleach!”

 

Lo retorts, “Now you know how I felt when –”

 

“When what?”

 

“When nothing,” Oliver cuts in.

 

“When what, Lauren?”

 

“ _Nothing_!” the twins reply in unison.

 

“Not nothing,” Michael insists.

 

“Like I felt junior prom, maybe?” Oliver hisses. “Scarred for life?”

 

“Hey! Shut up!”

 

“You ratted _me_ out.”

 

“I didn’t even know he was _there_.” They’d run after the kids as soon as they managed to put some clothes on.

 

Michael looks like he’s about to have a heart attack as he puts two and two together. “You – you – you both – oh my _God_. You’re _sixteen years old_! What the hell?”

 

“Almost seventeen!” The twins protest simultaneously.

 

Ryan coughs.

 

Maybe he should’ve let Michael in on the fact that after their _Mean Girls_ -inspired sex talk gone horribly, horribly wrong, he’d sent Lo off to Elizabeth to talk about the finer points of birth control and sat Oliver down for the most uncomfortable six minutes of both their lives. He’d timed it.

 

Then he’d handed their son some condoms and sent him on his merry way.

 

But _then_ Michael came home and distracted him with se–

 

“And Lo, you –”

 

“Me what?”

 

“Quit while you’re behind, princess,” Ryan mutters.

 

“Oliver – he – as long as he doesn’t _catch_ anything –”

 

Oliver rolls his eyes. “Glad you care so –”

 

“Consider yourself lucky,” Ryan mutters out of the side of his mouth.

 

“But you – girls can get – girls can get –” Michael’s voice drops to a whisper. “ _Pregnant_.” His eyes go wide. “I’m going over there and giving them a piece of my –”

 

“Over where?” There’s a thin note of panic in Lo’s voice.

 

“Over where?” Ryan echoes. This is getting out of hand, literally worse by the _second_.

 

“You know where!”

 

“ _Dad_!”

 

“Worst anniversary ever,” Ryan mumbles before breaking into a run. It’s a few blocks, but Michael’s not all that fast; he can catch him.

 

He better. Even tackle him to the ground if he has to.

 

Or there’ll be blood.

 

Lots of it.

 

Would it be considered domestic violence if he injures Michael enough he _can’t_ run and kill somebody else or get himself actually _killed_ by said somebody else?

 

Because it’s not just Michael that worries him.

 

It’s Missy. Because if Michael harms so much as a hair on Charlie’s head, Missy – sweet, nice, wonderful Missy – won’t hold back in the slightest. Nathan would stop at helping her hide the body, because doctor rules. Like, the hippopotamus oath or whatever.

 

And Michael – the thing is, Michael’s a crazy stubborn motherfucker and maybe sometimes even scares him, but he’s _Ryan’s_ crazy, stubborn, scary motherfucker.

 

And Ryan’s not ready to be a widower just yet.

 

Especially not on their anniversary.


End file.
